Living with fear
One week.
In one week I'll go back to work at my salon after being out for more than 11 weeks. The only times I've been away from the salon for that long was for my maternity leaves. Those weren't vacations and this time hasn't been either. This quarantine has brought specific challenges for every family I know, whether it be how to help your kids with online learning to how to balance working from home and domestic responsibilities to how to pay your fucking bills and keep your family safe and healthy.
Those challenges and frustrations all come down to one basic emotion:
Fear.
Fear of the virus, fear of losing income, fear of being overwhelmed, fear that your child is falling behind.
Fear of being near people, fear of not being near people, fear of isolation and depression.
Fear for the health of vulnerable people, fear for family working on the front lines, fear that this will go on forever.
Fear over the New Normal.
Fear that milestones won't be celebrated, fear that politicians don't care, fear that your business won't bounce back.
Fear that we aren't opening up fast enough, fear that we are opening up too fast.
Fear because you just don't know what to do.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to go back to work. I definitely am.
But I'm not saying that I am "Living In Fear", which seems to be the rallying cry behind the ideas of opening the economy, government overreach, not wearing masks, etc. Just because I recognize and acknowledge my emotions does not mean that I am letting fear take over my life. I'm just not dumb enough to pretend that I'm not afraid.
I am living WITH fear, not IN it.
I am still living my life and making the best decisions I can for my family based on science and love and common sense. I don't think that the fear goes away just because I choose a particular course of action. Fear, as an emotion, exists for a reason. It is a warning system, a feeling that tells us to be cautious, to look both ways, to proceed carefully. Fear does not have to be inherently debilitating.
I am living WITH fear, not IN it.
I am afraid that if I go back to work, I could get sick or pass on the virus to someone else.
I am afraid that if I don't go back to work, I won't have a source of income that my family relies on.
I am afraid that my children will feel abandoned.
I am afraid that they are suffering from the lack of socializations.
I am afraid that they are depressed, angry or scared.
I am afraid too much screen time is rotting their brains.
I am afraid that my kids will go crazy without summer camps.
I am afraid for my husband who has been working this entire time.
I am afraid for my mother and wonder if and when she will be able to safely return to work.
I am afraid that it won't be safe for my kids to return to school in the Fall.
I am afraid for the people who don't have the options and choices I do.
So after many sleepless nights, exhausting days, tons of tears, hours of safety precautions, I have decided to return to work. A million different thoughts went into that decision. I'm living with the fear, as so many of us are, because I don't really have any other choice than to acknowledge it and move forward with my life the best way that I know how.
In one week I'll go back to work at my salon after being out for more than 11 weeks. The only times I've been away from the salon for that long was for my maternity leaves. Those weren't vacations and this time hasn't been either. This quarantine has brought specific challenges for every family I know, whether it be how to help your kids with online learning to how to balance working from home and domestic responsibilities to how to pay your fucking bills and keep your family safe and healthy.
Those challenges and frustrations all come down to one basic emotion:
Fear.
Fear of the virus, fear of losing income, fear of being overwhelmed, fear that your child is falling behind.
Fear of being near people, fear of not being near people, fear of isolation and depression.
Fear for the health of vulnerable people, fear for family working on the front lines, fear that this will go on forever.
Fear over the New Normal.
Fear that milestones won't be celebrated, fear that politicians don't care, fear that your business won't bounce back.
Fear that we aren't opening up fast enough, fear that we are opening up too fast.
Fear because you just don't know what to do.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to go back to work. I definitely am.
But I'm not saying that I am "Living In Fear", which seems to be the rallying cry behind the ideas of opening the economy, government overreach, not wearing masks, etc. Just because I recognize and acknowledge my emotions does not mean that I am letting fear take over my life. I'm just not dumb enough to pretend that I'm not afraid.
I am living WITH fear, not IN it.
I am still living my life and making the best decisions I can for my family based on science and love and common sense. I don't think that the fear goes away just because I choose a particular course of action. Fear, as an emotion, exists for a reason. It is a warning system, a feeling that tells us to be cautious, to look both ways, to proceed carefully. Fear does not have to be inherently debilitating.
I am living WITH fear, not IN it.
I am afraid that if I go back to work, I could get sick or pass on the virus to someone else.
I am afraid that if I don't go back to work, I won't have a source of income that my family relies on.
I am afraid that my children will feel abandoned.
I am afraid that they are suffering from the lack of socializations.
I am afraid that they are depressed, angry or scared.
I am afraid too much screen time is rotting their brains.
I am afraid that my kids will go crazy without summer camps.
I am afraid for my husband who has been working this entire time.
I am afraid for my mother and wonder if and when she will be able to safely return to work.
I am afraid that it won't be safe for my kids to return to school in the Fall.
I am afraid for the people who don't have the options and choices I do.
So after many sleepless nights, exhausting days, tons of tears, hours of safety precautions, I have decided to return to work. A million different thoughts went into that decision. I'm living with the fear, as so many of us are, because I don't really have any other choice than to acknowledge it and move forward with my life the best way that I know how.
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