High Standards
I really hate it when people give unsolicited parenting advice.
Really, really hate it.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I ask people for their opinions and advice on issues all the time and I really appreciate feedback.
But only if I ask. Otherwise, it is supremely annoying.
So please, don't take this post as advice. It is only my story, my take on this issue, and not meant to be a judgement on any other parent. That being said...
I am a hard-ass with my kids when it comes to cleaning. I will never be the mom who can simply shut the door to their disaster-area rooms and walk away. It is not going to happen. I know I have to release control over some issues and I have to pick my battles. But trust me, this is one battle I am ready and willing to fight. I believe it is significant, worthy of my time, and a very important life lesson.
To provide a little back-story, let me briefly explain how I grew up. I was an only child raised by a single mom. I lived in a trailer from the time I was a toddler until I went away to college, just me and my mom. I never felt like I was missing out on anything; I even had my own bathroom, but it was on the smaller side of living spaces. We shared all of the chores around the house. When you grow up without a lot of extra room, clutter and messiness is a big deal. There was no mud room to store coats and boots, no play room to keep all of my toys, no formal dining room separate from the kitchen.
I had chores to do before and after school. I was responsible for doing my own laundry, washing dishes, dusting and cleaning floors. We didn't have a dishwasher or garbage disposal. Hell, we lived in the country, we didn't even have garbage men that picked up the garbage- we had to drive to the county dump to take our trash ourselves. I don't say these things to elicit any sympathy, it was just my life. My mom and I took good care of one another and I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. She taught me so much, and without her example and her guidance, I would not have become the confident and independent woman that I am today. We often hear about the value of hard work; my mother personifies that notion.
Now I have my own kids. And they have their own chores. They have since they were able to walk. As they have grown, so have their responsibilities.
I know that they get tired of me having them put away their toys. I know they get frustrated when they have to stop whatever fun thing they are doing and feed the dogs or fold laundry. I also know that it is good for them.
While I do give them a little bit more wiggle room on the weekends, they have to clean their rooms every day. EVERY DAY. Oh sure, they can play and have fun and totally wreck their rooms and have crap strewn all about. But then they have to clean it up and put everything away. They can't go from room to room, making a new mess in every new location, without first putting away their previous mess. House rules.
I've been told that I'm hard on them, and I can't argue with that. I have high standards and I expect them to live up to those standards. I admit, I can be a real drag about it.
BUT...
When they go to a friend's house, they help clean up before they leave.
They throw away trash and recycle what they can.
When they are living on their own they will be able to wash laundry, mow the grass, cook meals, clean their bathrooms.
They will be independent individuals.
And all my nagging will be worth it.
Really, really hate it.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I ask people for their opinions and advice on issues all the time and I really appreciate feedback.
But only if I ask. Otherwise, it is supremely annoying.
So please, don't take this post as advice. It is only my story, my take on this issue, and not meant to be a judgement on any other parent. That being said...
I am a hard-ass with my kids when it comes to cleaning. I will never be the mom who can simply shut the door to their disaster-area rooms and walk away. It is not going to happen. I know I have to release control over some issues and I have to pick my battles. But trust me, this is one battle I am ready and willing to fight. I believe it is significant, worthy of my time, and a very important life lesson.
To provide a little back-story, let me briefly explain how I grew up. I was an only child raised by a single mom. I lived in a trailer from the time I was a toddler until I went away to college, just me and my mom. I never felt like I was missing out on anything; I even had my own bathroom, but it was on the smaller side of living spaces. We shared all of the chores around the house. When you grow up without a lot of extra room, clutter and messiness is a big deal. There was no mud room to store coats and boots, no play room to keep all of my toys, no formal dining room separate from the kitchen.
I had chores to do before and after school. I was responsible for doing my own laundry, washing dishes, dusting and cleaning floors. We didn't have a dishwasher or garbage disposal. Hell, we lived in the country, we didn't even have garbage men that picked up the garbage- we had to drive to the county dump to take our trash ourselves. I don't say these things to elicit any sympathy, it was just my life. My mom and I took good care of one another and I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. She taught me so much, and without her example and her guidance, I would not have become the confident and independent woman that I am today. We often hear about the value of hard work; my mother personifies that notion.
Now I have my own kids. And they have their own chores. They have since they were able to walk. As they have grown, so have their responsibilities.
I know that they get tired of me having them put away their toys. I know they get frustrated when they have to stop whatever fun thing they are doing and feed the dogs or fold laundry. I also know that it is good for them.
While I do give them a little bit more wiggle room on the weekends, they have to clean their rooms every day. EVERY DAY. Oh sure, they can play and have fun and totally wreck their rooms and have crap strewn all about. But then they have to clean it up and put everything away. They can't go from room to room, making a new mess in every new location, without first putting away their previous mess. House rules.
I've been told that I'm hard on them, and I can't argue with that. I have high standards and I expect them to live up to those standards. I admit, I can be a real drag about it.
BUT...
When they go to a friend's house, they help clean up before they leave.
They throw away trash and recycle what they can.
When they are living on their own they will be able to wash laundry, mow the grass, cook meals, clean their bathrooms.
They will be independent individuals.
And all my nagging will be worth it.
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