Boundaries
NO.
It is amazing how a simple two letter word can be so difficult sometimes. And often when we do say it, we feel the need to justify it or apologize for it. While I don't advocate hurting someone's feelings intentionally, I'm here to remind you that the word "No" can, and frequently should, stand alone. I also believe that the more we practice setting our own boundaries, the more likely we are to respect others'.
"I know you don't normally work Saturdays, but could you possibly come in for me this weekend? I really need a haircut."
"The birthday party invite didn't say that siblings were invited, but is it ok if I also drop off my 3 year old to Jack's party?"
"Yes, you did tell me what the price is, but don't you give a Friend Discount?"
I have worked really hard to make sure that my children are able to clearly define boundaries and express themselves. Sometimes it is off-putting to others, but I'll be damned if I'll apologize for that. It is not my job, or my children's jobs, to sacrifice their own well-being to make others more comfortable. My motto is, if someone is bold enough to say or do something out of line, we should be comfortable enough to express our disagreement with that action.
"No, I'm not able to work this weekend. I have other options available and I'm happy to help you find something else that works for our schedules."
"No, the party won't be appropriate for a 3 year old as the other guests are all 9-10 years old."
"No, I don't give discounts. Prices are the same for everyone. If my services don't work with your budget, I completely understand and I'm happy to refer you to another salon."
*You can say NO without being an asshole and also without apologizing. Adding "I'm Sorry" to your response makes it seem as though you are doing something wrong, and there is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries.
*You can say NO and still be courteous and helpful IF YOU WANT. It isn't up to you to fix a "problem" for someone else.
*You can say NO for professional reasons without needing to feel guilty about it.
The bottom line is this: setting boundaries does not make you a jerk. It simply defines what you are and are not ok with in your life. And, by the way, only YOU know what works best for your life, so you are logically the best person to make those choices. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. Acknowledge your worth.
It is amazing how a simple two letter word can be so difficult sometimes. And often when we do say it, we feel the need to justify it or apologize for it. While I don't advocate hurting someone's feelings intentionally, I'm here to remind you that the word "No" can, and frequently should, stand alone. I also believe that the more we practice setting our own boundaries, the more likely we are to respect others'.
"I know you don't normally work Saturdays, but could you possibly come in for me this weekend? I really need a haircut."
"The birthday party invite didn't say that siblings were invited, but is it ok if I also drop off my 3 year old to Jack's party?"
"Yes, you did tell me what the price is, but don't you give a Friend Discount?"
I have worked really hard to make sure that my children are able to clearly define boundaries and express themselves. Sometimes it is off-putting to others, but I'll be damned if I'll apologize for that. It is not my job, or my children's jobs, to sacrifice their own well-being to make others more comfortable. My motto is, if someone is bold enough to say or do something out of line, we should be comfortable enough to express our disagreement with that action.
"No, I'm not able to work this weekend. I have other options available and I'm happy to help you find something else that works for our schedules."
"No, the party won't be appropriate for a 3 year old as the other guests are all 9-10 years old."
"No, I don't give discounts. Prices are the same for everyone. If my services don't work with your budget, I completely understand and I'm happy to refer you to another salon."
*You can say NO without being an asshole and also without apologizing. Adding "I'm Sorry" to your response makes it seem as though you are doing something wrong, and there is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries.
*You can say NO and still be courteous and helpful IF YOU WANT. It isn't up to you to fix a "problem" for someone else.
*You can say NO for professional reasons without needing to feel guilty about it.
The bottom line is this: setting boundaries does not make you a jerk. It simply defines what you are and are not ok with in your life. And, by the way, only YOU know what works best for your life, so you are logically the best person to make those choices. People will treat you the way you let them treat you. Acknowledge your worth.
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