Parenting: The Tween Years
No, this is not a post bemoaning the difficulties of parenting tweens. I currently have two of them, so trust me, I've heard all the horror stories. I'm not naive, I remember what those years are like and I CLEARLY remember what the teenage years feel like. But enough with the doom and gloom people! As in every phase of parenting, there are always those parents who say things like "Oh, just you wait until ________! Enjoy this while you can! When they turn ____ they will start hating you and being embarrassed by you." I understand that every family is different and that usually these parents are just speaking from experience and honestly, they want to commiserate. I get that, I really do. But let's stop and think about how that makes another parent feel... It feels pretty crappy. It is pretty horrifying to think that my sweet babes will hate me or turn away from me or stop talking to me. Those thoughts are terrifying and frankly, hurtful. They are also NOT HELPFUL. Is saying that supposed to prepare me for it to happen? Because I guarantee you that there is no way to be prepared for that eventuality. So while those things *may* happen (because I cannot predict the future) and while the tween years obviously present challenges, let me tell you why I am loving these tween years with my kids.
1. They communicate their feelings very clearly.
I know that it is because we have worked really hard to teach them to do this, but it is AMAZING to hear my kids verbalize their feelings so well. Even if what they have to say may be difficult to hear, even if we have to work hard to process those feelings. That skill is invaluable.
2. They are self-assured and confident.
Seeing my kids be brave and willing to explore and try new things is really gratifying and exciting! Even if those things scare me personally (super fast, high roller coasters, for example). We are nurturing the hell out of that trait.
3. They are really finding the activities that speak to them. On their own.
We encourage and support them trying lots of activities but we have never pushed them to participate in something because we think they should. At this point they have tried martial arts, drama, soccer, running, computer coding, drums, guitar, art classes, etc. If they sign up for an activity that has a season or time limit, we do have them follow through with it, but after that it is up to them whether or not they want to continue it. I love watching them find those activities that they truly enjoy.
4. They are taking on more responsibilities.
Not only around the house (the older you get, the more chores!) but in other ways too. Stella just signed up for a babysitting certification class and Roy is in the kitchen with me more and more. They WANT to do more challenging things.
5. They are caring, compassionate, loving and generous.
They really are. They care about those around them. They want to help others. They assert themselves but they are not selfish. They support one another. I am, again and again, blown away by their kindness.
Sooooo yeah, maybe I will be in for a world of hurt as they get even closer to the teenage years. Maybe all of this will change. Maybe the naysayers are right. But I refuse to dread any phase of parenting, because regardless of what comes our way, we will always work it out together as a family.
P.S.
Let me add that I am fully aware of the privileges that we enjoy due to our health, our resources, our support system and family. So no way in hell am I gonna complain about navigating normal childhood development.
1. They communicate their feelings very clearly.
I know that it is because we have worked really hard to teach them to do this, but it is AMAZING to hear my kids verbalize their feelings so well. Even if what they have to say may be difficult to hear, even if we have to work hard to process those feelings. That skill is invaluable.
2. They are self-assured and confident.
Seeing my kids be brave and willing to explore and try new things is really gratifying and exciting! Even if those things scare me personally (super fast, high roller coasters, for example). We are nurturing the hell out of that trait.
3. They are really finding the activities that speak to them. On their own.
We encourage and support them trying lots of activities but we have never pushed them to participate in something because we think they should. At this point they have tried martial arts, drama, soccer, running, computer coding, drums, guitar, art classes, etc. If they sign up for an activity that has a season or time limit, we do have them follow through with it, but after that it is up to them whether or not they want to continue it. I love watching them find those activities that they truly enjoy.
4. They are taking on more responsibilities.
Not only around the house (the older you get, the more chores!) but in other ways too. Stella just signed up for a babysitting certification class and Roy is in the kitchen with me more and more. They WANT to do more challenging things.
5. They are caring, compassionate, loving and generous.
They really are. They care about those around them. They want to help others. They assert themselves but they are not selfish. They support one another. I am, again and again, blown away by their kindness.
Sooooo yeah, maybe I will be in for a world of hurt as they get even closer to the teenage years. Maybe all of this will change. Maybe the naysayers are right. But I refuse to dread any phase of parenting, because regardless of what comes our way, we will always work it out together as a family.
P.S.
Let me add that I am fully aware of the privileges that we enjoy due to our health, our resources, our support system and family. So no way in hell am I gonna complain about navigating normal childhood development.
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