Words matter
I've debated writing this post a hundred times, and finally decided that I would because:
WORDS MATTER.
The words we choose need to be intentional, because whether we are aware of it or not, word choice carries immense power. Yes yes, I know, "Actions speak louder than words" and I do agree that we need to back up our words with action. However, I can promise you that if you ask someone who has suffered abuse they will tell you that the words used by abusers often carry more weight than physical abuse. As someone who was personally involved in an abusive relationship, my abuser's insults caused me more damage than any physical action. Words were chosen with the sole purpose of hurting me, of breaking my spirit, of causing me to doubt myself, with the intention of lowering my self esteem so that I didn't think I had value. And two of his favorite words were Slut and Whore.
It was ok for me to be sexy if he could benefit from it, meaning if I was like a trophy on his arm that he could show off. But any mention of me owning my sexuality in a way that did not relate to him was met with intense disapproval, shaming and verbal abuse. It has taken me years to undo a lot of the damage that relationship caused me. I am now in a good place emotionally and can see that abuse for exactly what it was, but that didn't come easy. And that is exactly why my children will NEVER hear me refer to a woman as "slutty". They will NEVER hear me use the word "whore", they will NEVER hear me criticize any woman for what she is wearing, how she is moving or dancing, how many people she dates, how much makeup she wears, how short her skirt is.
How adults live their personal lives is none of my business and definitely not for me to judge. How a woman in the entertainment industry performs on a stage of her own making is not for me to criticize. In fact, for me to feel like I'm being a good mother and doing my best to teach and empower my children (daughter AND son) all they will hear me do is uplift other women. UPLIFT. I simply refuse to talk shit about someone in that way. *Not that I have never made fun of someone's appearance before, I totally have. But I have done a lot of work in that area and it is not something I do anymore because I realized that my children hear me. If I need to smack talk someone I'm gonna do it in private with my girlfriends ;) *
It does not matter how much she weighs or how many curves she has (I SEE YOU QUEEN LIZZO). It does not matter if she is a brown woman representing her heritage with joyful noise and bellydancing (I SEE YOU QUEEN SHAKIRA). It does not matter if she is 50 years old and can shake her ass like a goddess (I SEE YOU QUEEN JLO). It does not matter if she has dated numerous men and writes about her breakups and relationships in her songs (I SEE YOU QUEEN TAYLOR).
Using words that were specifically crafted to shame women is NOT OK. Our value is not related to our sexuality. Displaying our sexual natures does not make us trashy. Being proud of our glorious, strong, life giving bodies should be a celebration! Teaching our daughters that their bodies are incredible and beautiful, whatever their shape, is of the utmost importance. Teaching them to respect their bodies is an ongoing process that changes and evolves as they age. I am fully aware that what is appropriate for a 12 year old is not the same thing as what is appropriate for a 45 year old. But I think that if we continue to have discussions with our children about their bodies being a source of wonder and joy and not shame, they will grow to make the choices that work best for them.
If we see an entertainer perform an amazingly strong choreographed routine and we call her "trashy" or "cheap" because she danced on a pole (which is an actual art form and our children will only associate with stripping if we tell them that) then the message we are giving is that because she did something sexy her value has been diminished. I'll say that another way: we are saying that because she did something that people find sexy that negates EVERYTHING else about her. And adult woman being sexy is not anything to be afraid of. When a woman chooses to celebrate and own her sexuality she is exhibiting power. She should not lose respect because she is embracing her sexuality. It is hers, it is inherently valuable because she is making the choice.
So if you wouldn't use curse words in front of your children, but you call someone slutty, cheap or trashy because of how they dress or dance, you might want to think about the message you are sending. Words matter, and we are our children's best and most important teachers.
P.S.
Unpopular opinion: Strippers and sex workers are also people worthy of value.
WORDS MATTER.
The words we choose need to be intentional, because whether we are aware of it or not, word choice carries immense power. Yes yes, I know, "Actions speak louder than words" and I do agree that we need to back up our words with action. However, I can promise you that if you ask someone who has suffered abuse they will tell you that the words used by abusers often carry more weight than physical abuse. As someone who was personally involved in an abusive relationship, my abuser's insults caused me more damage than any physical action. Words were chosen with the sole purpose of hurting me, of breaking my spirit, of causing me to doubt myself, with the intention of lowering my self esteem so that I didn't think I had value. And two of his favorite words were Slut and Whore.
It was ok for me to be sexy if he could benefit from it, meaning if I was like a trophy on his arm that he could show off. But any mention of me owning my sexuality in a way that did not relate to him was met with intense disapproval, shaming and verbal abuse. It has taken me years to undo a lot of the damage that relationship caused me. I am now in a good place emotionally and can see that abuse for exactly what it was, but that didn't come easy. And that is exactly why my children will NEVER hear me refer to a woman as "slutty". They will NEVER hear me use the word "whore", they will NEVER hear me criticize any woman for what she is wearing, how she is moving or dancing, how many people she dates, how much makeup she wears, how short her skirt is.
How adults live their personal lives is none of my business and definitely not for me to judge. How a woman in the entertainment industry performs on a stage of her own making is not for me to criticize. In fact, for me to feel like I'm being a good mother and doing my best to teach and empower my children (daughter AND son) all they will hear me do is uplift other women. UPLIFT. I simply refuse to talk shit about someone in that way. *Not that I have never made fun of someone's appearance before, I totally have. But I have done a lot of work in that area and it is not something I do anymore because I realized that my children hear me. If I need to smack talk someone I'm gonna do it in private with my girlfriends ;) *
It does not matter how much she weighs or how many curves she has (I SEE YOU QUEEN LIZZO). It does not matter if she is a brown woman representing her heritage with joyful noise and bellydancing (I SEE YOU QUEEN SHAKIRA). It does not matter if she is 50 years old and can shake her ass like a goddess (I SEE YOU QUEEN JLO). It does not matter if she has dated numerous men and writes about her breakups and relationships in her songs (I SEE YOU QUEEN TAYLOR).
Using words that were specifically crafted to shame women is NOT OK. Our value is not related to our sexuality. Displaying our sexual natures does not make us trashy. Being proud of our glorious, strong, life giving bodies should be a celebration! Teaching our daughters that their bodies are incredible and beautiful, whatever their shape, is of the utmost importance. Teaching them to respect their bodies is an ongoing process that changes and evolves as they age. I am fully aware that what is appropriate for a 12 year old is not the same thing as what is appropriate for a 45 year old. But I think that if we continue to have discussions with our children about their bodies being a source of wonder and joy and not shame, they will grow to make the choices that work best for them.
If we see an entertainer perform an amazingly strong choreographed routine and we call her "trashy" or "cheap" because she danced on a pole (which is an actual art form and our children will only associate with stripping if we tell them that) then the message we are giving is that because she did something sexy her value has been diminished. I'll say that another way: we are saying that because she did something that people find sexy that negates EVERYTHING else about her. And adult woman being sexy is not anything to be afraid of. When a woman chooses to celebrate and own her sexuality she is exhibiting power. She should not lose respect because she is embracing her sexuality. It is hers, it is inherently valuable because she is making the choice.
So if you wouldn't use curse words in front of your children, but you call someone slutty, cheap or trashy because of how they dress or dance, you might want to think about the message you are sending. Words matter, and we are our children's best and most important teachers.
P.S.
Unpopular opinion: Strippers and sex workers are also people worthy of value.
Comments
Post a Comment