When to hold your tongue...and when not to
Communication is tough sometimes.
I think it is one of the most important things we can teach our children how to do and I try REALLY hard to model good communication skills. Sometimes I fail, but I try.
This week has been a week full of tough communication opportunities and I am hoping that I have done the best that I can to use those opportunities well. I thought I would share some of those experiences in the hopes that others might find them helpful.
*This is the busiest time of the year in my profession. I've been reminding clients for MONTHS to book holiday appointments, and most of them have taken the advice. But inevitably there are situations where I have had to turn clients away and disappoint them because I literally have NO appointments available before the New Year. As much as I love my clients, I cannot create more time for them and I have to honor my own boundaries. Saying "no" is not easy, but it is a very important skill in all areas of life.
*I had a loved one deeply hurt my feelings, unintentionally, this week. It still hurts to think about it, let alone write about it. Man, that is a tough one. I find that it is much easier for me to tell someone when they have made me angry than it is for me to tell them that they hurt me. Anger somehow feels justified, but "hurt" feels like I have to explain why. I think it is a much more delicate thing to talk to someone about. There were definitely a lot of tears and a few time outs for me to breathe and gather my thoughts. To me, the key was clearly expressing myself without letting emotions take over, because that can easily invite "anger" to the party. I admit, I am still not "over it". But I refuse to allow hurt feelings to damage a relationship.
*Sometimes the best way to communicate is by not saying anything at all. My daughter and I were out together and a girl about her age was being sarcastic and rude, behind Stella's back. DUDE. Let me tell you, I really wanted to break bad and go all Mama Bear on that kid. She pissed me off big time. Stella, however, was completely unaware of the situation. I was really torn as to what to do. If I spoke up, I would have to explain the whole situation to my daughter, which also would have been a teachable moment for us to process together. But I chose to ignore the other child and let her make her snarky comments so as not to spoil my daughter's good time. I had to step back and realize that I only wanted to say something because I HATE for people to "get away" with bad behavior. But really, that would only be self-serving. This kid wasn't going to learn anything from me speaking up, and in fact, I could pretty much count on a big altercation with her mother. Which of course I would not shy away from (BRING IT ON SOCCER MOM HAIRCUT), but in this situation would not have been helpful. It is really hard for me to hold my tongue. REALLY HARD. But my Stella was blissfully unaware of this kid being an ass, so I decided to leave it.
So there you have it. A few of the things I've processed this week. This is a short list; I haven't touched on backstage at the school play or PTA meetings. That will have to be another post.
I think it is one of the most important things we can teach our children how to do and I try REALLY hard to model good communication skills. Sometimes I fail, but I try.
This week has been a week full of tough communication opportunities and I am hoping that I have done the best that I can to use those opportunities well. I thought I would share some of those experiences in the hopes that others might find them helpful.
*This is the busiest time of the year in my profession. I've been reminding clients for MONTHS to book holiday appointments, and most of them have taken the advice. But inevitably there are situations where I have had to turn clients away and disappoint them because I literally have NO appointments available before the New Year. As much as I love my clients, I cannot create more time for them and I have to honor my own boundaries. Saying "no" is not easy, but it is a very important skill in all areas of life.
*I had a loved one deeply hurt my feelings, unintentionally, this week. It still hurts to think about it, let alone write about it. Man, that is a tough one. I find that it is much easier for me to tell someone when they have made me angry than it is for me to tell them that they hurt me. Anger somehow feels justified, but "hurt" feels like I have to explain why. I think it is a much more delicate thing to talk to someone about. There were definitely a lot of tears and a few time outs for me to breathe and gather my thoughts. To me, the key was clearly expressing myself without letting emotions take over, because that can easily invite "anger" to the party. I admit, I am still not "over it". But I refuse to allow hurt feelings to damage a relationship.
*Sometimes the best way to communicate is by not saying anything at all. My daughter and I were out together and a girl about her age was being sarcastic and rude, behind Stella's back. DUDE. Let me tell you, I really wanted to break bad and go all Mama Bear on that kid. She pissed me off big time. Stella, however, was completely unaware of the situation. I was really torn as to what to do. If I spoke up, I would have to explain the whole situation to my daughter, which also would have been a teachable moment for us to process together. But I chose to ignore the other child and let her make her snarky comments so as not to spoil my daughter's good time. I had to step back and realize that I only wanted to say something because I HATE for people to "get away" with bad behavior. But really, that would only be self-serving. This kid wasn't going to learn anything from me speaking up, and in fact, I could pretty much count on a big altercation with her mother. Which of course I would not shy away from (BRING IT ON SOCCER MOM HAIRCUT), but in this situation would not have been helpful. It is really hard for me to hold my tongue. REALLY HARD. But my Stella was blissfully unaware of this kid being an ass, so I decided to leave it.
So there you have it. A few of the things I've processed this week. This is a short list; I haven't touched on backstage at the school play or PTA meetings. That will have to be another post.
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